MackenzieCarden.com

Now that Mackenzie has survived two years of my attempt at fatherhood, I have decided to share a few insights from the many lessons I have learned.

1. Do not fall asleep on the couch with a baby napping on your chest. One of you will probably roll onto the floor. Hope it’s not both of you.
2. Do not lift a baby over your head to check the diaper while standing under a ceiling fan.
3. Do not inspect the poop in the diaper. You only need to know what grapes look like before you eat them.
4. Do not walk faster than your child while holding her hand without being prepared to clean a scraped knee.
5. Do not allow the rock your child placed in your left hand to get mixed in with peanuts in your right.
6. Do not let your child eat new foods without your wife’s approval. Ever hear of peanut allergies?
7. Do not let your child run around naked unless you have towels and/or a mop handy.
8. Do not leave expensive electronics or camera gear in your child’s reach unless you are prepared to either do without or replace them.
9. Do not attempt to carry a baby and a laundry basket down stairs at the same time.

God watches out for little children as well as their parents.